either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
