I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
