so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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