Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
