So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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