Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You're a waste of cheezeits
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
