If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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