I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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