I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
