I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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