Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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