At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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