you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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