Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize