i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
