you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
