I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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