Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who died my cat blue again?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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