jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
