my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
