I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
