I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
