And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
