I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Are we still banned from the library?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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