Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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