what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
