The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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