Already got asked if we're dating
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
