I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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