The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
