Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
