they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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