when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
