You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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