he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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