I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
