just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
