I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
