I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
