Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
