Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
