Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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