just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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