I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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