there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize