just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
