i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
