She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
