my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
