toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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