More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
