And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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