Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
