I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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