I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
