I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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