Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
