at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
