3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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