Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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