ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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