idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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