drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She even gives head with a lisp.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
