but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
